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More Memories.
(dates and names reserved ! )
Another little caper
during Rag-week was a game of tennis between Shutts and the National Collegeof
Agricultural Engineering at Silsoe………using a Hillman Imp as the ball……
It all began early one bright morning as the milk recorder arrived down the Old
Warden drive. He had to negotiate his way past an impromtu ceremony taking place on
the cattle grid at the start of the parkland. No doubt he was puzzled as to why a
group of lads should be diligently welding a wheel-less shell of a Hillman Imp
across the cattle grid.
Probably the NCAE students (for it
was they) assumed they had been rumbled and the alarm would be sounded, for the
standard of welding was pretty poor really. They decamped rapidly but it was a while
later when the car was collected and brought back to college by Shutts students. It
was lifted bodily into a long-wheelbase Landrover ( I’ll keep your name out of
this, Lionel ! ) and preparations were made for the return of service, into the
Silsoe court……
The plan was, if I remember
rightly, to strike back at 3pm the following day, with a massed strike. I don’t
know whose plan it was, but I suspect they left farming soon after this to join the
Marines or Parachute regiment as a strike strategist.
There were three teams detailed for
the operation ( for a good deal of face had been lost by Shutts in the NCAE dawn
raid). One vehicle was to be used as a diversion and drive right into the main gate
at Silsoe and cruise round throwing crow-scarers out of all windows and generally
‘drawing fire’. When the defences of NCAE had woken up and set off in pursuit of
team one, team two would follow into the grounds of the college and ‘unload’ the
Imp into the ornamental pond oustide reception. Team three were to help extract the
first two squads and get them away up the A6. And whilst it was hardly
“clinical”, it did sort of work!
I had the dubious pleasure of
riding in the front of the short-wheelbase Land-Rover chosen as team one’s
transport. Crammed in along with me were eight others each armed with a supply of
croweys. My simple task was to pick a crow-scarer out of my lap, hold it while the
guy in the middle seat lit it, then hurl it out of the sliding window by my left
shoulder. As we progressed, seemingly in slow motion, the place came alive. Students
spilled from the buildings, sirens started to wail, raft-building stopped, tractors
roared into life and started to head us off!
Confusion mounted and I must have
lost my steady rhythm of load, aim and fire, because just as I raised my hand to
launch another squib, the lethal charge exploded deafening all of us and numbing my
hand completely. (I assumed it had been blown off to start with, but fortunately I
have always suffered from a weak grasp on things so it simply opened my fist up and
made it sting a bit!) This was really the onset of things going wrong for us in team
one: by the time we got round to the front of the college. The tractor had blocked
our exit so we were obliged to start a lap of honour round the buildings again,
which now resembled a hornets nest which had been well and truly stirred up. Cars of
all sorts were chasing other cars and it became necessary to take to the large mown
lawns to the front of the college. They had defended the open road frontage by
laying railway sleepers along the newly-planted hedgeline beside the A6. Thankfully
team three had lifted one aside, making an escape route which our cars were flooding
out of and fish-tailing up the public road amongst nonplussed afternoon traffic.
Cars from NCAE chased us a good bit of the way home and gave us cause to use up our
remaining scarers out the back door of the Landy, to encourage them to keep their
distance.
One of our cars that was being
closely followed, was an elderly Triumph Herald which had a conveniently located
bung-hole in the floor between the front passengers feet. Much resourceful
calculation of fuse-length was employed on the snaking roads home in order to light
and drop a crow-scarer through the hole and time it to explode under the pursuer’s
car, causing it to bounce in a cloud of white smoke! I suspect bloodlust got the
better of our brave lads however when they decided that the only way shake off such
a determined follower was to tape together three croweys and twist the fuses
together. Clearly the resourceful calculation
had left them by this point, as they failed to consider the relative diameter of the
hole in the floor and three lit crowscarers taped in a bundle…… I shall pause to
allow you to imagine the looks on their faces as they realised what they had
do......
I believe the results were
spectacular and apparently effective in shaking off their pursuers, as the driver of
the chase car couldn’t see the road ahead for tears of laughter.
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Another stroke of luck we had on
that trip was that the car we dumped didn’t go through the bottom of the pond and
into the boiler house for the college which apparently was situated directly beneath
the shallow ornamental water feature. Oops!
Well of course we got back home a
few at a time, having taken different routes and were all feeling pretty smug that
the ball was now in their court.
Still patting ourselves on the
back, we sat down for a favourite tea of Spag Bol, when the cry went up from the
doorway “SILSOE ARE BACK!!” As one body, we stormed out of the dining block,
leaving the staff to clear over a hundred full plates of food and knocking chairs
flying. Outside we were greeted by the sight of that blasted Imp, upside down
opposite the courtyard entrance, stuffed with straw and burning. Silsoe had hit us
at our most vulnerable: feeding time. We
were terrified of incurring charges by using fire extinguishers so CO2 cylinders
were dragged from the Tavern and blasted at the flames, quickly fanning them to an
inferno, perfect! I can’t seem to
recall just how it was finally extinguished but it might have been put out by the
s**t flying off the blades of the fan as John Scott arrived on the shameful scene.
Happy days…….and as I said, it could have been disastrous for any one of us at
any point in the proceedings, still, ignorance is bliss, and we were very, very
happy…………
Footnote
Feel free to correct me on any of
this, but if the truth takes away from the story, I shall refuse to believe you!! Tim
Durrant (Circa 1979 ! ) |